Mobile Mama

I’m getting on a plane and going 4,355 miles from my children for 6 days tomorrow. I’m terrified. What if they need me? What if they fall and break something? What if they don’t wear exactly the clothes I would have picked out for them? What if there is a car accident with the baby sitter? What if I miss something special on Cy’s last day at school?

What if… This question makes me crazy. 

If I feel out of control, I start to lose my mind. I go into anxiety-stricken, not-a-nice-person, panic mode. Don’t ask Cleve about this; I would hate for him to be honest with you about the crazy person I can become. 

If we pray and bring our anxiety to God, he promises us “the peace, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

My type-A controlling heart is not from the Lord. I must die to myself and re-preach the gospel to myself daily. I fail at this a lot. 

How am I going to make it through six days in Alaska? I’m not quite sure yet, but I’ve prepared as much as I can. I’ve left a novel worth of schedules, tips, and emergency information. I’ve got class snacks prepared for Cy’s last three days of school, and clothes even laid out.

If I’m honest with myself, my fear and anxiety is more about me and my selfishness than it is about the kids. I’m going to miss them like crazy, and then I’ll be home. 

Caring for Cleve is my first responsibility. This week is about supporting his mission and vision. That’s my privilege. I can’t be in two places at once. 

Watching your kids grow can be sad. I’m sure I will cry on the first day of kindergarten and every other “last” and “first”, but I hope I’m better known for celebrating the other days - what comes between the “first” and the “last”. That’s where the fun and the growing happens. That’s where our kids gain the dangerous faith Jen Hatmaker talked about earlier this week - a brilliant post of brave parenting and brave kids.

Today was one such day - Cy’s ‘Special Day’ at preschool. He could pick the theme, be line-leader, and have a little presentation about himself where his friends could ask him questions.

I had so much fun watching him be the star. He chose a football/sports theme which was perfect given not only his obsession with the sport but it being Superbowl weekend. He asked all of the other kids to wear their favorite team shirts and jerseys.

Some interesting facts Cy was able to share with his class:

• Cy has lived in three different states in 5 years.
• Cy has flown by airplane on at least 7 different trips (that mommy can remember).
• Cy has visited 17 different states already: TN, GA, NC, SC, KY, AR, VA, WV, IL, WI, MA, TX, MT, WY, OH, IN, SD
• Cy can tell you on demand every NFL team and a bazillion statistics.
• Cy’s favorite teams are the Cowboys, Broncos, University of Georgia, and University of North Carolina.
• His favorite places to visit are West Virginia, Nashville, and Grandmama’s house.

Flag holder and line leader, Cy, in his full cowboys uniform, pads and all:

Ready for our class presentation:

Pin the football between the goal post:

17,000.

Whew. It’s been our biggest parenting battle to date. And now it’s over. Charlotte, 3 years old, is finally fully potty trained. 

I wish I could adequately explain how much I dislike this one parenting task. I’m terrible at it, and apparently my children aren’t too great at it either (I’ve probably said this to you before). 

I can think of a dozen possible reasons why Charlotte has spent more than a year refusing to consistently go to the potty (I’m to blame for most of them), but today none of those reasons matter. All that matters is how she beams every morning when she gets to put on a new pair of her big-girl panties. She is so proud of herself. We have all (even Cy) used this as an opportunity for over-the-top encouragement and positive reinforcement. She is the star of the house right now. 

18 months ago, when we went through a similar battle with Cy, our magic number of diapers was 12,098. To that point, that’s how many diapers our home had gone through. By my completely scientific calculations, I estimate that number is now somewhere around 17,000.

By the numbers: 
17,000 diapers in the past 5 1/2 years
3,380 diapers last year
275 diapers last month
65 diapers last week

Only one more baby in diapers! 

Cleve and I have heard from multiple parents (mostly dads) that going on vacation with small kids isn’t “worth it”. I get their point. They’re saying that you pick up and go to a different place to do the same things you do at home: discipline the kids, cook, clean, laundry, etc. I just disagree with it.

One of the first mornings of our vacation this week, I started to wonder if they were right? Could it be that all this money we spent, time we invested, and miles we traveled to come on a wonderful beach vacation weren’t worth it?

This was a fleeting thought after nearly an hour prep to get everyone beach-ready with bathing suits and lots of SPF 50 and shovels and buckets and other sand toys gathered. Have you been there? It’s no easy task to tackle three little kids and make sure all exposed skin is covered in lotion.

As the day went on, my thoughts and attitude changed. I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t take away watching them build a sand fort or jump in the waves for anything. (And by day two, we had the process down to a science.)

It’s about priorities.

What are your priorities for family vacations?

If your priorities are to sit back and relax with newly transformed perfect angels for children, then you probably shouldn’t spend the resources to go on a big family vacation.

Our priorities are to re-engergize and spend extra quality time together with a change of scenery. Some secondary priorities for me were to catch up on some much-needed sleep, not work (or at least a lot less), and read a book or two that I’ve been waiting a year to read… all while getting a nice tan enjoying God’s creation.

If your goal is to not do laundry for a week, take enough clothes with you. If your goal is to not cook, save up to eat out. If your goal is to not clean, make sure you have good maid service. Whatever is important to you, make it happen.

This week, I have cooked a little, I have cleaned a little, I have done a little laundry. I have even dealt with throw-up and diarrhea. But I’ve had an amazing, restful vacation. I will be going home on Saturday refueled and refreshed from a full week of investing in our family in a cozy beach condo.

It was worth every gallon of gas, every dime spent to have this week away from home with my family.

Only regret: paying for Cy to fish with his little Spiderman fishing pole instead of a real one. It broke before the first cast. :-)

We’ve almost made it. We’re not quite there yet. And we still have one more to go.

Charlotte will be 3 in May.

We’ve now experienced the second year of life as parents twice.

All experienced parents know what I’m talking about. That second year is hard. But it’s also one of the most fun. I’ve never wanted to scream louder or laugh harder than during this precious year of growing pains.

Charlotte, like most two-year-olds, has gone from saying a few words and phrases to telling elaborate stories. Her imagination fascinates us, and her ability to manipulate her brothers (and her father) is brilliant! Girls are born with a completely different brain than boys. She’s got us all wrapped around her little finger with her beauty, intelligence, and just-plain-cuteness. But growing doesn’t come without a few pains.

During this year (or 18 months), kids have new impulses but don’t know how to control them yet. Thus, tantrums are normal in addition to saying “no” and “mine” often and refusing to cooperate. Patience is so important (and I run out quickly too fast).

As I watch my kids during these limit-pushing times, I have to remind myself God only lets us borrow them. They are his. This independence and desire to make their own decisions is how he made them. I’m just so overwhelmed that I get to help shape and nurture them - it’s intimidating.

A wise co-worker once told me the goal in handling these situations in parenting is to break the will, not the spirit. Help them learn and grow - even if it’s a battle at times.

A couple of emergency tips that help me through each day:

Allow Cy and Charlotte to make their own decisions based on choices whenever possible. This saves many tantrums and arguments. When they don’t have anything to say “no” to, it eliminates a fight and enables independence at the same time. 

Earlier this week, I knew Charlotte would demand to wear her nice, pink sandles, but she was going to be playing outside and getting dirty, and I knew that would be a bad idea. Before she could even think to ask, I offered her a choice between two other pairs of shoes. On this morning, that worked.

Distractions! When Cy was two, and he’d throw the kind of tantrum that would last forever (and by forever, I mean like 30-45 minutes), I could tell he wanted a reason to stop crying. He would keep crying until I gave him a reason not to.

For instance, if he was pitching a fit because I took something away from him, his violent fit could go on for a long time. Then there would come a point (that I learned to recognize) that I knew he wasn’t crying over the object anymore. Our inclination is to offer another toy or object that is safe to play with, but that doesn’t work most of the time; it needs to be a completely different experience. Try snack time or a tv show or going to play outside. This works much better.

This season is short. Pediatricians say it ends by about the third birthday, but in my experience three-years-old is just  a bit better - still quite a bit of testing the boundaries. But when Cy hit four, it was like magic! Something clicked.

Enjoy the good but be prepared for the bad!

“Sling me,” Cy says.

I walk into the playroom to see Charlotte push Cy as hard as she possibly can (not all that hard) into their slide/sports climber structure. Cy laughs hard as he hits the side of the ‘building’ and dramatically crumbles to the floor. 

“What are you doing?!?!”

Cy giggles back, “We’re playing Angry Birds!”

“No, I don’t think so,” I say. “We are NOT playing Angry Birds… Ever.”

“My turn, my turn,” Charlotte exclaims. 

And before I could get to them to stop this insane game, Charlotte is ‘flying’ through the air squealing, “Bock, bock, wweeeeeeee!”

As funny as it was, the game ended immediately. 

“Do you know why you can’t play Angry Birds?”

“Well, I like playing with Charlotte, but she might get hurt. Can I just play by myself?”

“No, son, you may not.”

When Rachel moved out and Chandler moved in on Friends, Monica defined an era as “a significant amount of time”.

It’s the end of an era at our house. Warner is one year old. My last baby isn’t a baby anymore. I’ve spent the past 5 years and 3 months either pregnant or nursing.

I’ve been unexpectedly emotional about Warner’s first birthday. It’s certainly bittersweet. On one hand, I’m ready to move on to the next phase of our family’s life. I’m ready for more adventurous family vacations and that “golden age of parenting” that comes after potty training and learning to take a solo bath… when your kids can do things for themselves but still love you and need you. No more worrying about how the medications I take or food I eat will affect a baby.

On the other hand, I’m going to miss getting up in the middle of the night to nurse a baby. I’m going to miss hearing newborn cries and sweet first giggles. I’m going to miss taking mid-afternoon naps without needing an excuse. And I don’t think you’re allowed to call those extra few pounds “baby weight” when there aren’t any babies.

So now, we’re trading the infant carrier for a front-facing big boy car seat. And we’re buying extra sippy cups.

In a few weeks, once I’ve finished the cleaning out, there won’t be any traces of infancy. All the bottles and breast pumps will be gone. The infant carrier will be given away, and any clothes smaller than 12 months will be at consignment or Goodwill.

I’m so excited about the life ahead for Warner; I’m just sad for me. I love that first year of life so much!!! 

I left Warner for the very first time over night this weekend. It wasn’t easy.

These are the first two nights in over a year that I’ve spent away from all the kids (big kids have had grandparent sleepovers). 

So, this week leading up to my quick trip to Seattle (for a work project), I finally tackled sleep training for Warner. I’ve avoided teaching him how to sleep through the night like crazy. Part of me liked him joining us in bed around 3 a.m. every night, and part of me was too tired to spend a night or two of allowing him to cry some to teach himself to go back to sleep. Confession: sometimes I want to punch mothers who have never had to teach their kids to sleep through the night (because their children naturally learn this on their own) in the face (not really - just in my head).

Warner has always been so easy to lay down for bedtime. The challenge has been staying asleep. I know many moms who breastfeed have similar situations. When you nurse, it’s just too easy to let your baby sleep with you for at least part of the night. Side note: this is also the very first time I’ve ever had to “pump and dump” my milk after nursing three kids. 

But we did it! In just a couple of nights, Warner is sleeping through night. It was weird not interacting with him for 12 whole hours the first time he made it. Now, it’s a welcomed relief to have all three kids down for the night by 9 p.m. (working on getting that a bit earlier). 

For those wondering what this learning process looked like: I had one night of rocking him at 2 a.m. for a while (getting him used to not nursing), and then another night of letting him cry for a bit at 2 a.m. After that, he still woke up a bit early for a morning or two (like 5 a.m.) but I think we’ve moved on to 7-8 a.m. now.

I can’t WAIT to get home later tonight!

Next up for baby Warner… weaning him to only whole milk when he turns one-year-old next month…

I’m thankful for my “village” that helps raise my children. None of us can do it alone. That’s hard to admit. We try so hard to be super moms. But what is that? What is a super mom? I bet all of our definitions would be different and none of us would describe ourselves. Another post for another day, I guess….

It’s my mother’s birthday, so a few thoughts dedicated to her today. Happy Birthday, Mama!

Of all the things my parents taught me, one lesson often reminds me of so many other lessons… Actions speak louder than words. 

Included with the valuable lessons were a few unintentional lessons from Mama’s actions… like pinching as a form of discipline (mostly used on Daddy) and my husband’s favorite, “We can’t afford it” as a reflex.

More significant actions
Mama didn’t tell us to work hard, she showed us (Daddy too). And she ended up with four children who work hard and never settle for less than excellence.

Mama didn’t tell us to tithe, she simply wrote her check to the church every payday. She didn’t tell us how important it is to serve and give back, she spent 20 years teaching Sunday School and directing VBS and serving on teams (all at the same time). Now as an empty-nester, she’s investing in the Church (capital C) in whole new ways.

Mama didn’t tell us life, parenting, and marriage was hard, she showed us how to persevere, be strong, and listen. Her actions and life have breathed of forgiveness and tenderheartedness.

I know my actions will teach my children a lot of things - many things I wouldn’t choose to teach them (those unintentional habits), but I strive to and pray that I teach by kids some of these same lessons and new ones.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” -Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

Have you seen this new site or seen your Facebook friends “pin” items to their walls? I’m a huge fan of this new way to keep up with both fun ideas for home and travel and brainstorming for work. I multi-task work, home, and play 24 hours a day, and this helps me keep it segmented while not forgetting an awesome idea I find online. 

Basically, you create pin boards for each area you’re “in” to. For me, I created pin boards for home ideas, travel, graphic design inspiration (work), fun kid stuff, and gifts.

After adding the app to my bookmark tool bar, I can “pin” items to any board from any site and share with everyone.

The desktop and mobile apps are awesome. Love it! Check out Pinterest and follow me.  Username: @mrspersinger

(Although my boards are still a little wimpy right now… I’m working on it!)