Mobile Mama

Watching your kids grow can be sad. I’m sure I will cry on the first day of kindergarten and every other “last” and “first”, but I hope I’m better known for celebrating the other days - what comes between the “first” and the “last”. That’s where the fun and the growing happens. That’s where our kids gain the dangerous faith Jen Hatmaker talked about earlier this week - a brilliant post of brave parenting and brave kids.

Today was one such day - Cy’s ‘Special Day’ at preschool. He could pick the theme, be line-leader, and have a little presentation about himself where his friends could ask him questions.

I had so much fun watching him be the star. He chose a football/sports theme which was perfect given not only his obsession with the sport but it being Superbowl weekend. He asked all of the other kids to wear their favorite team shirts and jerseys.

Some interesting facts Cy was able to share with his class:

• Cy has lived in three different states in 5 years.
• Cy has flown by airplane on at least 7 different trips (that mommy can remember).
• Cy has visited 17 different states already: TN, GA, NC, SC, KY, AR, VA, WV, IL, WI, MA, TX, MT, WY, OH, IN, SD
• Cy can tell you on demand every NFL team and a bazillion statistics.
• Cy’s favorite teams are the Cowboys, Broncos, University of Georgia, and University of North Carolina.
• His favorite places to visit are West Virginia, Nashville, and Grandmama’s house.

Flag holder and line leader, Cy, in his full cowboys uniform, pads and all:

Ready for our class presentation:

Pin the football between the goal post:

Mobile mama just got a lot more tech savvy. For the past two years I’ve been working from home 20 to 30 hours a week and taking care of the kids and home. Now I’m back working out of the house so in order to do everything that I’m committed to well, I’ve had to make some adjustments.

Number one. Upgrade to iPhone 5. My downtime and drivetime commute to work just got a lot more productive. Siri and voice command have revolutionized my mobility.

It took a lot to give up the blackberry keyboard that my thumbs have been glued to for 4+ years.

All I ever wanted growing up was to be a wife and mother. I had career ambitions but being a wife and mother topped them. As a little girl I would daydream about getting older… Starting with high school and boyfriends then college and meeting my husband. I had my “happily ever after” all figured out. But then what? As a little girl, I never considered what was after I reached the end of those dreams. Then life actually started happening - no more time to play dress up and plan for the future - time to live it. 

A couple of years ago, I was pregnant with what I assumed was my last baby, Warner, and I started dreading turning 30. I had reached the pinnacle of life, I thought - had a great job where I was a respected leader, married the man of my dreams (literally), and mother of both a boy and a girl. 

I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. What now?

It’s time to start dreaming again!

For me, I’ve taken a new position and finally settled down. I am dreaming new dreams for my family and for myself. No more Dorian Gray life of avoiding getting older. 

Don’t fall into the rut of so many others and do things you’ll regret later. Make wise decisions for your family.

I’m asking myself these questions more often: 

• Am I living for my kingdom or for God’s?
• Is what I’m living for worth Jesus dying for? 
• Where is my treasure? 
• Where is my trust? My security?  

Settled is a state-of-mind.

This is a revelation I came to last week. My heart’s desire is to be settled. I’ve said “Yes, Lord, we will go wherever in the world you lead… As long as we can stay there.”

Since getting married, we’ve moved around a lot more than I ever imagined. In this season since moving back to Nashville of transition and waiting and not knowing where we’ll go next, we’ve been frustrated. Will we stay in Nashville? Will our house ever sell? Will we go back to one of our hometowns? Or will we go on a new adventure? Only God and time will tell.

After sitting in life’s waiting room, I just want to get where we’re going and plant roots. I want Cy to start kindergarten next year in the school system that he’ll graduate from. (Yeah, right!)

I’ve thought this was a small request – given the fact that after years of kicking and screaming I’ve said this can be anywhere as long as it’s mostly permanent.

Then it hit me. Settled is a state-of-mind.

A lot of families move around. And they have well-adjusted, cultured children as a result. Could this be so bad?

How would my life change if I embraced this way of life? I could be content now regardless of my circumstances, for starters, and provide this attitude for our children.

What if our ministry does move around every few years? I know my heart’s cry has been to settle down and give my kids life-long friends and roots, but what if that’s a sacrifice we’ve been asked to make?

“Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, ‘Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.’ Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’ Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, ‘Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.’” Matthew 8:19-22 (NIV)

We’ve met some incredible people along the way and made some great friends. Who else could be out there that we are supposed to cross paths with?

Cleve and I each have a purpose and we have even bigger purpose TOGETHER. I don’t want to miss out on that purpose because I was too stubborn to give up some comfort. I want our kids to see an example of parents who followed God’s path wherever it led and gave them love and stability in the midst of an at-times chaotic life.

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” -Jim Elliot

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’ … Then I said, “For how long, Lord?” And he answered: ‘Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant..’” Isaiah 6:8, 11

God gave an answer, but it wasn’t an easy or uncomplicated one.

So, here we go. Peace in my mind and heart so that I can provide stability for our family.

Cleve and I have heard from multiple parents (mostly dads) that going on vacation with small kids isn’t “worth it”. I get their point. They’re saying that you pick up and go to a different place to do the same things you do at home: discipline the kids, cook, clean, laundry, etc. I just disagree with it.

One of the first mornings of our vacation this week, I started to wonder if they were right? Could it be that all this money we spent, time we invested, and miles we traveled to come on a wonderful beach vacation weren’t worth it?

This was a fleeting thought after nearly an hour prep to get everyone beach-ready with bathing suits and lots of SPF 50 and shovels and buckets and other sand toys gathered. Have you been there? It’s no easy task to tackle three little kids and make sure all exposed skin is covered in lotion.

As the day went on, my thoughts and attitude changed. I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t take away watching them build a sand fort or jump in the waves for anything. (And by day two, we had the process down to a science.)

It’s about priorities.

What are your priorities for family vacations?

If your priorities are to sit back and relax with newly transformed perfect angels for children, then you probably shouldn’t spend the resources to go on a big family vacation.

Our priorities are to re-engergize and spend extra quality time together with a change of scenery. Some secondary priorities for me were to catch up on some much-needed sleep, not work (or at least a lot less), and read a book or two that I’ve been waiting a year to read… all while getting a nice tan enjoying God’s creation.

If your goal is to not do laundry for a week, take enough clothes with you. If your goal is to not cook, save up to eat out. If your goal is to not clean, make sure you have good maid service. Whatever is important to you, make it happen.

This week, I have cooked a little, I have cleaned a little, I have done a little laundry. I have even dealt with throw-up and diarrhea. But I’ve had an amazing, restful vacation. I will be going home on Saturday refueled and refreshed from a full week of investing in our family in a cozy beach condo.

It was worth every gallon of gas, every dime spent to have this week away from home with my family.

Only regret: paying for Cy to fish with his little Spiderman fishing pole instead of a real one. It broke before the first cast. :-)

We’ve almost made it. We’re not quite there yet. And we still have one more to go.

Charlotte will be 3 in May.

We’ve now experienced the second year of life as parents twice.

All experienced parents know what I’m talking about. That second year is hard. But it’s also one of the most fun. I’ve never wanted to scream louder or laugh harder than during this precious year of growing pains.

Charlotte, like most two-year-olds, has gone from saying a few words and phrases to telling elaborate stories. Her imagination fascinates us, and her ability to manipulate her brothers (and her father) is brilliant! Girls are born with a completely different brain than boys. She’s got us all wrapped around her little finger with her beauty, intelligence, and just-plain-cuteness. But growing doesn’t come without a few pains.

During this year (or 18 months), kids have new impulses but don’t know how to control them yet. Thus, tantrums are normal in addition to saying “no” and “mine” often and refusing to cooperate. Patience is so important (and I run out quickly too fast).

As I watch my kids during these limit-pushing times, I have to remind myself God only lets us borrow them. They are his. This independence and desire to make their own decisions is how he made them. I’m just so overwhelmed that I get to help shape and nurture them - it’s intimidating.

A wise co-worker once told me the goal in handling these situations in parenting is to break the will, not the spirit. Help them learn and grow - even if it’s a battle at times.

A couple of emergency tips that help me through each day:

Allow Cy and Charlotte to make their own decisions based on choices whenever possible. This saves many tantrums and arguments. When they don’t have anything to say “no” to, it eliminates a fight and enables independence at the same time. 

Earlier this week, I knew Charlotte would demand to wear her nice, pink sandles, but she was going to be playing outside and getting dirty, and I knew that would be a bad idea. Before she could even think to ask, I offered her a choice between two other pairs of shoes. On this morning, that worked.

Distractions! When Cy was two, and he’d throw the kind of tantrum that would last forever (and by forever, I mean like 30-45 minutes), I could tell he wanted a reason to stop crying. He would keep crying until I gave him a reason not to.

For instance, if he was pitching a fit because I took something away from him, his violent fit could go on for a long time. Then there would come a point (that I learned to recognize) that I knew he wasn’t crying over the object anymore. Our inclination is to offer another toy or object that is safe to play with, but that doesn’t work most of the time; it needs to be a completely different experience. Try snack time or a tv show or going to play outside. This works much better.

This season is short. Pediatricians say it ends by about the third birthday, but in my experience three-years-old is just  a bit better - still quite a bit of testing the boundaries. But when Cy hit four, it was like magic! Something clicked.

Enjoy the good but be prepared for the bad!

When Rachel moved out and Chandler moved in on Friends, Monica defined an era as “a significant amount of time”.

It’s the end of an era at our house. Warner is one year old. My last baby isn’t a baby anymore. I’ve spent the past 5 years and 3 months either pregnant or nursing.

I’ve been unexpectedly emotional about Warner’s first birthday. It’s certainly bittersweet. On one hand, I’m ready to move on to the next phase of our family’s life. I’m ready for more adventurous family vacations and that “golden age of parenting” that comes after potty training and learning to take a solo bath… when your kids can do things for themselves but still love you and need you. No more worrying about how the medications I take or food I eat will affect a baby.

On the other hand, I’m going to miss getting up in the middle of the night to nurse a baby. I’m going to miss hearing newborn cries and sweet first giggles. I’m going to miss taking mid-afternoon naps without needing an excuse. And I don’t think you’re allowed to call those extra few pounds “baby weight” when there aren’t any babies.

So now, we’re trading the infant carrier for a front-facing big boy car seat. And we’re buying extra sippy cups.

In a few weeks, once I’ve finished the cleaning out, there won’t be any traces of infancy. All the bottles and breast pumps will be gone. The infant carrier will be given away, and any clothes smaller than 12 months will be at consignment or Goodwill.

I’m so excited about the life ahead for Warner; I’m just sad for me. I love that first year of life so much!!! 

I left Warner for the very first time over night this weekend. It wasn’t easy.

These are the first two nights in over a year that I’ve spent away from all the kids (big kids have had grandparent sleepovers). 

So, this week leading up to my quick trip to Seattle (for a work project), I finally tackled sleep training for Warner. I’ve avoided teaching him how to sleep through the night like crazy. Part of me liked him joining us in bed around 3 a.m. every night, and part of me was too tired to spend a night or two of allowing him to cry some to teach himself to go back to sleep. Confession: sometimes I want to punch mothers who have never had to teach their kids to sleep through the night (because their children naturally learn this on their own) in the face (not really - just in my head).

Warner has always been so easy to lay down for bedtime. The challenge has been staying asleep. I know many moms who breastfeed have similar situations. When you nurse, it’s just too easy to let your baby sleep with you for at least part of the night. Side note: this is also the very first time I’ve ever had to “pump and dump” my milk after nursing three kids. 

But we did it! In just a couple of nights, Warner is sleeping through night. It was weird not interacting with him for 12 whole hours the first time he made it. Now, it’s a welcomed relief to have all three kids down for the night by 9 p.m. (working on getting that a bit earlier). 

For those wondering what this learning process looked like: I had one night of rocking him at 2 a.m. for a while (getting him used to not nursing), and then another night of letting him cry for a bit at 2 a.m. After that, he still woke up a bit early for a morning or two (like 5 a.m.) but I think we’ve moved on to 7-8 a.m. now.

I can’t WAIT to get home later tonight!

Next up for baby Warner… weaning him to only whole milk when he turns one-year-old next month…

I’m thankful for my “village” that helps raise my children. None of us can do it alone. That’s hard to admit. We try so hard to be super moms. But what is that? What is a super mom? I bet all of our definitions would be different and none of us would describe ourselves. Another post for another day, I guess….

Have you ever felt helpless?

A friend in our small group suffered a stroke last week after giving birth less than two weeks prior. We don’t know much yet about her recovery. She’s in the hospital and will be for some time, I imagine. She has three little boys at home including a kindergartner who just started school, a two year old who misses his mommy so much, and a newborn who craves the maternal bonding all babies should be entitled to.

Somehow taking diapers and dinner and praying just do not seem like enough. When I run up the stairs at 2 a.m. to get Warner nearly every night, I find myself thanking God that I have the ability to run upstairs and get him and bring him back to bed with me.

At those times, I pray for our friend - for her healing, for emotional comfort, and for the family and friends caring for her boys.

Times like this remind me that I (we) are so far removed from “control”. We have no other hope than Jesus.

I’m a control freak. I want to be in charge and fix things. I get very anxious when I lose control.

I’m searching in my heart these days to let that anxiety go… to not lose my temper just because I can’t control the outcome of any given situation. It’s sad, really, because it’s not typically the outcome of a situation I’m worried about. I actually handle moments of crisis pretty well. It’s the anxiety of putting it in someone else’s hands that worries me. Even God’s hands.

“Letting go and letting God”, as they say, is so much easier said than done. I actually don’t even know how to do it. How arrogant am I to believe that my ways are better than his!?!

I’ve had these verses in my head for many years, but it’s time to truly hide them in my heart.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
-I Peter 5:7

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
-Psalm 139:23-24